Sometimes, it's really hard to know how to find the right words of encouragement to support and comfort someone who has experienced a loss, endured heartache, or is going through a challenging time. We don't want to make the situation worse or upset that person further. The nagging fear that we might say the wrong thing often leads us to do nothing. However, according to Brooke James, creator of the podcast The Grief Coach, even the smallest of gestures can have profound benefits for someone in need.
Finding the right words of encouragement
James is a grief educator who saw her own friends struggle with how to best comfort her when she lost her father to cancer in 2019. That experience led her to look for better ways to show support.
Today, she consults for national brands, helping them create more empathetic and supportive work environments. Her advice is to always err on the side of showing as much support as you can. “The person who is going through something already feels isolated, so when people leave them alone, thinking that's best for them, it's actually the worst feeling."
James says it's more than okay to be honest about not knowing what to say. “Rather than an overly emotional 'I'm so sorry' or 'How are you?' which are well-intentioned but don't really help the receiver feel any better, there are words that can be more comforting. Saying something like 'I don't know what to say. I know nothing I say will change this, but I'm here for you,' that's perfect."
People need words of encouragement for a lot of reasons, both big and small. For James, helping people be heard is an essential part of the healing process. “Right after my dad died, friends would start complaining about something in their life, and then they'd feel apologetic, like, 'I'm sorry, this is nothing compared to what you're going through.' You can still be having a hard time with something even though your dad didn't die."
James says validation is particularly relevant during the pandemic, when many people are grieving things they lost or missed out on. “Sharing in these types of conversations gives someone who's struggling permission to be vulnerable. It's through that process that they can move on to healing."
Still unsure of what to say? Let these 48 famous quotes serve as inspiration to help you find the right words of encouragement.
When words aren't enough
After offering words of support, James says to take action to show how much you care. This can have an exponentially greater impact, becoming a memory that comforts for years to come. There are plenty of easy ways to show you care:
Focus on specifics
“Rather than say 'Let me know if I can do anything to help,' make concrete suggestions that you think the person could use." James says there's a variety of mundane chores you can offer to do to lighten their load, such as laundry, house cleaning, or babysitting.
Set a weekly walk date
Getting outside and enjoying the fresh air with someone else — even for as little as 15 minutes — can become an immeasurable source of hope and comfort, James says.
Remind someone how special they are
Imagine how good a loved one will feel receiving colorful cookies in a tin with the words “You're a Gem" cheerfully scrolled over it. Cheryl's Cookies offers a variety of deliciously sweet encouragement gifts, ranging from comforting You're in My Thoughts cookie samplers to bright and bold You Are Mermazing! motivational gifts.
Offer a distraction
Although your loved one may not take you up on it, offering them a distraction rather than a serious heart-to-heart conversation can be a refreshing change, James says. “Sometimes you just want to talk about the normal things that you and your friends used to talk about."
Continue the support long term
People can be overwhelmed with support during a difficult time, James says, but their phones have a tendency to go silent a few weeks later. It's at those times when sending a thoughtful reminder, such as A Hug in Every Bite Cookie Card or Sending You Smiles roses, can mean the most.
Be mindful of milestones
James says the lead-up to anniversaries of difficult times can be especially challenging. “You could send something and say, 'I know this is a hard week coming up, so I thought you might want some pretty flowers to look at."
Honest communication and thoughtful actions can take the guesswork out of helping someone through a hard time. When a loved one is in need of encouragement, the best advice is always, when in doubt, do something.
48 Quotes to Help You Find the Right Words of Encouragement
Did you know positive words of encouragement can actually have a positive effect on how the brain works? Research shows thoughtful phrases build resilience and motivation.
Looking for the right words to send to someone in need of encouragement? If you're at a loss for the perfect words, try using a famous quote that feels right for the situation.
Here are several to help you get started:
AUTHOR
Jackie Rupp is a longtime writer and editor who enjoys covering home, family, and lifestyle topics. She usually writes with at least one cat by her side and juggles fostering kittens with dabbling in handmade crafts. A connoisseur of pancakes, you can find her brunching when not writing or working on home renovation projects.