97 Howlin’ Good Halloween Jokes & Puns

Calling all ghouls, goblins, and ghosts: It's Halloween season, so it’s time to get in the spirit. Whether you’re the ghostest with the mostest or the pun-kin king of this devilish day, stay ahead of the carve by creepin’ it real with some spook-tacular Halloween puns and jokes this frightful season.

From goblin up buckets of candy to rocking a boo-tique costume, Halloween is a time to boogie on down to your local haunt for a frightfully good time. So, send up the bat signal, bring your boo, and celebrate with your fiends for life. Just make sure your jokes are fang-tastic, and your puns don’t suck!

Ghoulishly funny Halloween jokes & puns

Just plain batty

1. Why did the vampire use mouthwash? He had bat breath.
2. Have you ever been kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck!
3. What fruit do vampires love? Neck-tarines.
4. Why do vampires like Thanksgiving? They have a lot to be fang-ful for.
5. What happens when a vampire gets cold? He gets frostbite.
6. How do you get to Transylvania? By scare-plane.
7. Vampires never study for tests. They just wing it.
8. Vampires make great friends. They always just want to hang out.
9. Did you hear about the vampire that fell in love? It was love at first bite.

Where my ghouls at?

1. What do ghosts wear when their vision is blurry? Spooktacles.
2. What’s the hottest destination for a ghostly vacation? Mali-boo.
3. Why did the ghost pick its nose? It had boo-gers.
4. Ghosts are terrible liars. You can see right through them.
5. Did you hear about the panda ghost? It loves bam-boo.
6. Why do ghosts play soccer? They make excellent ghoulies.
7. That poor little ghost fell down. It’s fine, though — it just got a boo-boo.
8. What was the ghost’s favorite play? “Romeo and Ghouliet.”
9. Where do parent ghosts take their baby ghosts? Day scare.

Having a gourd time

1. How do you fix a jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
2. Why are jack-o-lanterns so scared? They have no guts.
3. How do jack-o-lanterns get strong? By pumpkin’ iron.
4. Did you hear about the pumpkin beauty queen? She was gourd-eous.
5. What’s a pumpkin’s favorite sport? Squash
6. Did you hear about the pumpkin that nearly drowned? It was saved by the life-gourd.
7. Why did the pumpkin go to college? It wanted to become more well-rounded.

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Which witch is which?

1. What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
2. What makeup does a witch put on before going out? Mas-scare-a.
3. Did you hear about the twin witches? You couldn’t tell which witch was which.
4. Why does a witch escape on a broom? To make a clean getaway.
5. Where do witches work? The brewery.
6. Did you hear about the witch with road rage? She flew off the broom handle.
7. What do witches use in their hair? Scare spray.
8. Did you hear about the witch who met her dream man? He loved her, warts and all.

Bone-jour, jokester

1. Why do skeletons play the piano? Because they have no organs.
2. Do you know why skeletons are so patient? Because nothing gets under their skin.
3. Have you ever seen a skeleton play the trumpet? Of course not — they only play the trom-bone!
4. What do you call a skeleton with no feelings? A numb-skull.
5. What do skeletons say before they eat? Bone-appetit!
6. Why are skeletons so lonely? They have no body to love.
7. Skeletons hate working. I guess you could call them lazy bones.
8. Did you hear about the skeleton’s favorite bar? It’s a pretty hip joint.

Prepare to snicker

1. What is a vampire’s favorite Halloween treat? A sucker.
2. What is everyone’s favorite Halloween ice cream treat? A boo-nana split.
3. What did the pumpkin say when the kids came trick or treating? “I will gourd this candy with my life!”
4. Did you hear about the candy that went to college? It became a real smartie.
5. Why don’t skeletons eat Halloween candy? They can’t stomach it.
6. What’s a werewolf’s favorite treat? Howl-oween candy.
7. What did the candy bar say when the person came to the door at Halloween? “Twix or treat!”
8. How do you work off all the candy you eat at Halloween? Exorcise.

Are you my mummy?

1. What’s a mummy’s favorite music? Wrap
2. Did you hear about the sick mummy? It couldn’t stop coffin.
3. Did you know mummies are extremely selfish? They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
4. Mummies don’t eat sandwiches — only wraps.
5. Why haven’t you heard any mummies gossip? Because they don’t want to get a bad wrap.
6. Why are mummies always taking naps? Because they’re dead tired.
7. Why did the mummy go to jail? It was running a pyramid scheme.
8. Did you hear about the mummy that got fired? It made a grave mistake.

Monstrous laughs

1. Why was the scarecrow dehydrated? He refused to drink until he had a straw.
2. What kind of bread do zombies use to make sandwiches? Whole brain.
3. You won’t find any zombies in the Army, but there are plenty in the Marine Corpse.
4. What’s a scarecrow’s favorite movie? Children of the Corn
5. How do werewolves save money when they go shopping? They go to the were-house.
6. Werewolves throw the best Halloween parties. They’re always a howling success.
7. Which monster is the best dancer? The boogeyman.
8. Do you know how zombies get so smart? They eat a lot of brain food.
9. Zombies are known for their commitment and hard work. You could say that they’re dead-icated.
10. The scarecrow tried to be a comedian, but all his jokes were corny.
11. Why didn’t the scarecrow eat his dinner? He was stuffed.
12. Zombies always speak in riddles. They’re very crypt-ic.
13. What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries.
14. Did you hear that cyclops had to give up teaching? He only had one pupil.
15. What did one invisible man say to the other? “Long time no see!”

Answer at your own risk

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howl. Howl who? Howl-een!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Creep. Creep who? Creep it down, or you’ll wake the dead!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you has my candy?
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Spell. Spell who? W-H-O.
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Handsome. Handsome who? Handsome candy to me!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hugo. Hugo who? Hugo put your costume on so we can go trick or treating!

The pun-kin king

1. Let’s get this party startled!
2. The Halloween party was BYOB — bring your own boos!
3. Thank gourdness it’s finally Halloween!
4. Let’s carve out time for Halloween fun.
5. Show me the mummy!
6. Your costume is so realistic, it’s un-candy!
7. Fangs for the memories.
8. I don’t have a scare in the world.
9. If you’ve got it, haunt it!
10. Your skeleton costume is so hip!
11. This candy corn is eerie-sistible.
12. You are looking brew-tiful tonight.
13. Witching you a happy Halloween.
14. Time to have some skele-fun!
15. If you want to know the future, just read your horror-scope.
16. Let’s give ‘em pumpkin to talk about.
17. What ghosts around comes around.